


I Will Follow You Into the Dark

by KittyViolet



Category: New Mutants (Comics), X-Men (Comicverse)
Genre: Cuddling & Snuggling, Death Cab for Cutie, F/F, Friends to Lovers, Songfic, Tail Sex, sondheim
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-03
Updated: 2019-10-03
Packaged: 2020-11-23 00:54:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 774
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20883491
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KittyViolet/pseuds/KittyViolet
Summary: Just a quiet conversation during another loud moment late at night.





	I Will Follow You Into the Dark

Disadvantage to sleeping in twin beds: it’s crowded and tight when Illyana slips into mine.

Advantage to sleeping in twin beds: same. Plus she can switch beds to cuddle me in the middle of the night when I’m ultra-upset, like tonight, when it’s crashingly loud with lightning. I’ve blown away giant reptilian predators from space—I’ve been to space!—but when there’s really intense thunder and rain, I’m still a little kid in some ways. I whine, curl up into myself a little, and hope it ends soon. Ororo would make it OK, but she’s not around.

Illyana’s around. She’s in her bed; then she’s in mine. “This is stupid,” I tell her. “I shouldn’t feel scared. I’m a little kid.”

“You’re not a little kid,” she says, pulling my blanket up over us both. It’s an Ewok blanket and I plan to sleep under it (along with other blankets when it’s cold) for the next fifty years, thank you very much. It is strong and coarse and fuzzy and warm. So is she. 

“We’re almost grownups. And you’re Kitty. Of course you react to loud noise like a kitty would. You’re brave and honest and smart and you startle at water and loud noises and you like fish.”

“I do like fish.” Especially gefilte fish. I gave Illyana some of that last week, and she liked the horseradish that goes with it, and then she sighed and said blini were still superior to blintzes, which is true.

Illyana moves her right elbow so she can spoon me closer. I’m shorter than she is now; if I get taller, will I still be the little spoon? I feel her left hand up inside my oversize sleep shirt. Mmmmm. I feel seen. I feel held.

Sometimes when she holds me it makes me so happy I phase. Right now I’m as solid as I’ve ever been. 

“Are you still scared?” she asks, that hand just above my hip. “What scares you?” A massive thunderclap emphasizes her question.

“I’m scared that I can’t save anyone but myself,” I say. “I don’t have powers like Ororo’s or yours. I can’t cut people or teach them how to defend themselves the way Logan can. I haven’t had the kind of experience that gives you armor or makes you strong. And I can’t conceal my feelings. You can look at me and just see. I can get out of things by phasing, or by acting like everyone’s kid sister. Which you actually are. But I can’t save everyone else.”

She’s quiet. I think Illyana wants me to ask her back. “What scares you?”

“I’m scared of myself, of my powers. I’m afraid I’m dangerous.” She feels especially warm beside me now: a bringer of safety, not danger. She’s wearing thick linen button-down PJs, and she has more curves than I have so far, so hers are a little squashed against my hips and back. “I’m afraid of my feelings because I’ll be attached to you and then you’ll follow me somewhere when I have to go there or I get dragged and you’ll get hurt even though I try to protect you because I’m corrupting you and endangering you. Or you’ll realize it and go away.”

“I’m not going anywhere. I will follow you into the dark,” I say, almost singing. I’m quoting a song that is literally about resurrection and Hell and Limbo. Does she know that song? I think it’s about us. (I think lots of things are about us.)

“Ilya, every time you make a choice of your own you choose what’s good. Whether or not everybody around you knows that. Plus I’m hard to hurt. Like you said: I’m a kitty, right? I land on my feet.” 

“Witches may be right,” she says. “Giants can be good.”

“I can’t believe I got you into Sondheim.”

“I got you into Metallica. Seems only fair.”

“More than fair. Oh.” Her hand’s on my knee even though she’s holding me under my sleep shirt, around my waist, and around my shoulders too. How can that be?

That’s not her hand. “I may be a kitty but I’m not the one with the tail. Mmmm.”

She wraps her legs around mine and flips the point of her tail so it’s under my sleep shirt too. “Promise not to phase this time, OK?”

The rain’s slowing down now. “I pinky promise.” I know what she wants. It’s a good way to help me feel safe. To help her feel safe. To hold us together. Not that we need an excuse.

Her tail moves up. We’ll be just fine till morning.


End file.
